Wow! Did not realize how long it has been since I have been on here. Not sure why but since I last wrote I finished 2 interesting books, My Next Step by Dave Liniger and Pouring Ketcup by Dave Cook. They are both very inspirational stories and a must read!
Anyhow, I am getting the cold weather blues lately. I'm really beginning to believe in seasonal disorder and the fact that I have it! (No, I have never been diagnosed with it!)
The good news though is that Advocare has some great products out now for the holidays that are absolutely awesome! Gingerbread meal replacement bars and Orange Cream Meal Replacement Shakes! YUM! They taste like creamsicles!
Figures I would start talking about food... well, have to admit it has ruled most of my life... which is actually why I started this blog. To try and figure out ways to change my life and patterns that have been established. I know I have choices in my life and have not always made the best ones but I am trying to change for the best. I hate the fact that I binge.... It is soooo hard to change this and it really is like a drug. I have decided that I am addicted to sugar and the fake chemicals in food.... ugh! Not good at all. I know that at times when I have eaten clean for several weeks, I lost my taste for junk. However, those changes have not lasted for long and I am constantly fighting this battle. I hate myself a lot these days. I once weighed more than 300 pounds and am thankful I am no longer that heavy but I am not as far from that as I would like to be. It effects me in so many ways. I do believe people discriminate against people who are heavy when they are looking for a job, yes, currently I am unemployed (again! UGH!) I always thought I would be married, have kids, a great career, have traveled a lot and be happy by this time in my life. I guess my time will come once I learn how to make some necessary changes in my life.
Sorry if this was too truthful and down for some of you. It is the way I feel and just need to get it out there.
I once read a book about eating disorder and the girl involved pictured her food as maggots... This helped her to stop from binging. (Sorry to those of you with a weak stomach).
Think I will stop on that note.
Tomorrow I plan on playing a CD that deals with Meditation for Beginners! A good friend does this on a daily basis and recommends it highly. I have tried it but have never been able to keep meditating on a daily basis.
I am going to do it this time though. I believe in me!
Thanks for sticking with me through gore and all! I appreciate my friends that are in my life!
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